


You had me at David Tennant

by wastedonyoursmile



Series: A series of unfortunate events (or thank god that happened) [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Jock Derek, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pop Culture References Galore, Prompt Fic, derek is not a stereotypical jock, idek at this point, overuse of the words 'shit' and 'like', smartasses in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastedonyoursmile/pseuds/wastedonyoursmile
Summary: "Mr. Brighton organized an orgy for Soc 104 and I was in charge of birth control," he says deadpan, trying to keep his blush at bay.





	You had me at David Tennant

**Author's Note:**

> I'm at the I'm so tired I'm drunk stage so just... forgive me. There are so many pop culture references and you may not agree with them all. And a lot of commas. And run on sentences. But I had a lot of fun with this so I hope you can, too!
> 
> Also, as I said in the tags there is an overuse of the words 'shit' and 'like'. I don't know if overusing like is just an American thing, but you get some of us going on something we're excited about and it will be used in abundance. Most of us don't tend to grow out of that either.
> 
> Just as a reminder of what I'm doing here I'm going to quote myself: _I'm trying to get back into writing by doing short exercises. I have a small list of prompts that I'm working off of with the goal of writing between 500-1,500 words without pausing. Most will not be beta'd or edited much, since it's kinda part of my exercise to not deliberate over it until I give up and don't post it. Which means everything will go up as soon as I can get online after writing. Each prompt will be in the end notes._

He doesn't even know why he empties the basket into his bag, but he does it nonetheless. He leaves a single shiny wrapper in the wicker basket and salutes Lydia with a smirk as he walks out the door. It's a great exit and is going to make for a great story to tell Scott later, because he and Scott are bros and still fourteen at heart. But his bag snags on the handle, tearing a wide hole in the side and spilling every last condom he stole onto the ground behind him, keeping the door from closing all the way.

He sighs and turns back to see if Lydia is mocking him and sentencing his fate, but his eyes land on a guy sitting in a letterman's jacket on the bench just outside the room. His eyebrows are up to his hairline and his face is almost comical in his surprise. This is probably going to suck. A lot.

"Mr. Brighton organized an orgy for Soc 104 and I was in charge of birth control," he says deadpan, trying to keep his blush at bay.

"I didn't know that. What should I bring? Is someone in charge of lube? I thought we were studying pharmaceuticals and their hazards today. I should probably go shower first," the guy says nonplused.

"You have Soc 104?" Stiles asks, bending down and scooping condoms away from blocking the door.

"Is there any flavored ones? I think Isaac likes the cherry ones. Did you grab any dental dams? Seems only fair. Are they one size fits most? Cause I've heard Brighton's PA has a huge dick, wouldn't want to see him hurt himself or have it break and have a sudden outpouring of ass babies." Dudes face doesn't even shift, face straight and eyebrows pulled down.

Stiles does blush at that. The guy stands up and walks over, looming over Stiles where's he's crouched down trying to figure out what to do with the damn things besides corral them all into a shiny pile.

"You know the redhead is probably going to murder you in your sleep, right? She's very insistent that everyone only take one. Something about funding and studying instead of drinking and fornacating." He kneels down next to Stiles and grabs a handful and sticks them in the front zipper of his bag. He grabs another handful and throws it in the air above Stiles' head and shouts 'confetti! it's a parade!' and then smirks at Stiles as he gapes at him.

"You watch Supernatural?" Jocks aren't supposed to be cool and know anything about pop culture. It's like the laws of nature, they're supposed to be uncultured swine.

"Used to before it went to shit. I honestly used to hate Misha and now he's the only one I can stand. I mean, I did Gishwhes last year and... I mean, um," finally the guy falters and Stiles almost wants to shout with joy.

"You know it's actually the in thing to be a geek, right? Look at me, geek and proud."

"I thought it was 'out and proud'," he looks Stiles straight in the eyes and raises an eyebrow again.

"That, too," Stiles says, looking down and trying to pull the condoms back into their neat pile.

"I'm pretty sure you're going on the assumption from my jacket that I'm a neanderthal dick, but I'm obsessed with Doctor Who and have a massive crush on David Tennant. When he shaves that is, not a big fan of the stubble. Dude is hot as fuck, which is weird cause he's kinda funny looking, but he makes it work. Also, Steve and Bucky are fucking gay and they need to give Cap a boyfriend already. But like, they also owe Tony a good apology fuck."

Stiles just stares at him, mouth hanging open in shock.

“Should I keep going? I’m totally down for John and Sherlock, but like I really wanted Sherlock and Moriarty to at least kiss. You could cut the sexual tension there with a knife. Don’t get me wrong I like het shit, too. But the only one I can think of is Ten and Rose cause my god, that shit ripped out my soul. I want Ryan Reynold’s to fuck me in that red sex suit of his. But I also really like Kristen Stewart. Girl is awkward as fuck and like, wow, that buzz cut is working for me. I’d say too bad she’s gay, but I’d rather high five her.”

Stiles knows his eyes are still round with shock and the guy is just smirking at him now. But like, "Holy shit! You can be my new best friend. Scott is a dork, but he doesn't get the Tennant thing. Have you listened to any of his audiobooks? Have you seen that pic of Ryan with the mask off and his hand on his fly? Please tell me you want Idris Elba to be Bond. Could you imagine that shit? I could give a fuck less about Bond, but I would watch that shit a hundred times and jizz my pants each time." Stiles is nearly jittery with joy. He's found his soul mate whilst surrounded by condoms. The guys lips twitch like he wants to smile but is fighting it. He totally loses, though. And he's got the most adorable bunny teeth but, wow, oh god that smile makes Stiles want to swoon. "Want to go throw condoms at random innocent bystanders with me? We can yell 'four for you, Glenn CoCo' and everything."

"Can we go to the smoking section? I know some dickheads I'd like to hit in the face with one."

"Deal."

"I'm Derek, by the way. And you’re a dick for not knowing I was in Brighton's class, I sit behind you every lecture."

"Sorry, man. Sometimes I don't pay attention when I should," Stiles can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face. Cause he's pretty sure this guy is hitting on him, it's just something in his eyes when he looks at Stiles. Makes him want to run to a mirror and check his hair and fucking brush his teeth again to make sure his breath is nice or some shit.

Derek gets up and reaches for the door to the health services room, he's got it half open before Stiles hisses out, "What are you doing!"

"I was serious about the dental dams. Some people need to learn how to lick right and not get herpes. There's an outbreak around campus, you know?"

"Oh my god, will you marry me? Like right the fuck now?"

"I'll think about it if I don't get murdered stealing shit from the redhead."

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you're staring at me weirdly


End file.
